Thursday, February 23, 2017
Posted in
Life
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As I write this, a controversy is swirling around Milo Yiannopoulos, the gay, conservative commentator whose speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference was cancelled because of recorded comments that he made in which he approved of sexual relations between men and boys as young as 13-years-old. I am not going to insert a transcript of his remarks here, but he said, among other things, that he had a relationship with an older man (apparently a Catholic priest) when he was a boy which was a positive experience for him.
Anyone who reads this blog knows that I am gay; and since Yiannopoulos is in the news now, I figured it’s time to share my views on this subject.
My puberty started at a very young age. I was the tallest boy in my grammar school because I started to shoot up early. I have a recollection of having sexual feelings for boys when I was only eight years old, and I remember trying to grope a boy that I was camping with at that age. As my puberty progressed, my horniness increased, and I found myself attracted to older boys because they had mature bodies and genitals. In junior high school, I remember seeing a boy in the locker room who had large genitals, but who hadn’t yet grown any pubic hair. I was attracted to the size of his genitals, but the lack of hair was a turn-off. I sometimes spied on my older brothers when they were in the shower.
As an adult thinking back to that time, I've often wished that an older boy had initiated a relationship with me. I was so horny for older boys that I would’ve been thrilled to be in such a relationship, if -- and this is a big if -- he had treated me gently and with consideration for my limits. As an adult, my belief that man/boy relationships were not entirely wrong was cemented when I read stories of such relationships (from the boy’s point of view, once grown). Indeed, when I was a young man, I met another gay man who told me of having such a relationship with a man, a relationship that he, as a boy, had initiated at the age of 8.
However, I realize now that if I had gotten what I wanted, it might not have been the good experience I imagined it would be. Most men who are into boys are not at all interested in the boy’s needs and feelings. Instead of the relationship being a love-fest, the likelihood is that I would've been molested or raped by someone who didn't appeal to me. Being sodomize by an adult at that age would have been traumatic.
If relationships between boys and men are ever to occur, they must proceed on the boy’s terms -- but in most situations, that isn't likely to happen. The few pederasts I have known have been manipulative men who knew exactly what they wanted, and it wasn’t usually the boy’s welfare. The man, being older and more experienced, would call all the shots. The man might not even care if the boy was gay. The likelihood is that the boy would be pressured or forced into doing things he didn’t want to do.
In the final analysis, I realize now that it didn't do me any harm to go through puberty playing "doctor" with kids my own age. Just because I was horny didn’t mean that I had to have sex with a man, even if I wanted to. However, I still have fantasies of that time of my life, and still think of the male love I never got.
Below is an excerpt from my diary on this subject, written in late March, 2019:
I read a couple articles today that revealed that Wilfred Owen, the World War I poet (and possibly my favorite poet), was gay. One of the articles went further, saying that he was a pederast. Interestingly enough, finding out that he was a pederast hasn’t made me think poorly of him; it has made me think more positively of pederasty. It is certainly wrong for a man to coerce a boy into sex; but if there is no coercion, it is hard for me to see it as wrong. When I was as young as 8 years old I was crazy for older boys, and I would have loved it if some older boy had gently eased me into my first sexual experiences. Of course, most older boys wouldn’t have been the tender creature that Owen was; they would have been more selfish.
Surprisingly, it is the transgender movement which is helping me change my mind about pederasty. There are children as young as seven or eight who are adamant that they belong to the opposite sex, so much so that their parents start giving them sex-change treatments to prevent puberty (something I disapprove of). If a transgender child that young can know his own mind, then certainly a gay child that young can know his own mind – as I did. Generally speaking, I think that adults should leave children alone when it comes to sex; but there will be those instances when a boy and a man (or an older teenager) develop a relationship, and the child is not hurt by it. In such cases, society should not victimize them by prosecuting the man and forcing the child to testify against the man. That just makes things worse.
I know of several such cases, which I saw on crime shows. One involved an adult woman and a teenage girl (the teenage girl wanted to be in the relationship and wouldn't testify against the woman). The other involved an adult woman and a boy (after the boy grew up, they got married).
It has recently come out that Michael Jackson “groomed” and gently coerced two boys to have limited sex with him. The boys are men now, and frankly they don’t seem to have been hurt by Jackson. They are living normal lives. One of the boys even testified on behalf of Jackson in his pederasty trial after the boy became an adult. Jackson may have used psychological pressure on the boys, but he wasn’t a monster. My view is that in a world in which there are legitimate monsters who do monstrous things to children, consensual sex play between adults and children isn’t the worst thing a child can endure. (It would be best, however, that prepubescent children be left alone.)
One of the articles that I read said that Owen had a relationship with a 13-year-old boy and may have had a sexual relationship with a 7-year-old boy (the only evidence being that Owen acted as a mentor to the boy). If the worst that Owen did was to have a relationship with a willing 13-year-old boy, I don’t condemn him. In fact, I am glad that he got some loving in his short life. Ever since I first read his poetry, I knew that Owen had to be gay; but I always assumed that he was (being artistic) a chaste gay man who was reluctant to get intimate, but who instead loved men and boys from a distance. I’m glad that I was wrong.
I understand where Owen was coming from. Puberty is an exciting time of sexual discovery for many children, so much so that they want to hang onto the experience for as long as they can. After going through the discovery process themselves, such people may want to help another child through it. Doing that is a way of reliving that period of one’s life. This is different, of course, from the selfish brutes who are only intent on satisfying their own needs. Owen was such a gentle soul that I don’t think he could have harmed anyone (except, perhaps, the German enemy).
It turns out that his poem “Shadwell Stair” was about a cruise spot in London. In that poem, he refers to himself as a ghost, and it turns out that the term “ghost” was often used by gay men to describe themselves – apparently because of their behavior when they are cruising each other. Cruising for sex is a quiet activity in which men mostly evaluate each other’s attractiveness and exchange signals. I’m sure it was much the same a hundred years ago.
There is an irony here, however. I didn’t have much sexual appeal when I was young. I was nervous and awkward, and somewhat ungainly too. Wilfred Owen, on the other hand, was gorgeous. If I had ever cruised Wilfred Owen on Shadwell Stair, he probably would have rejected me like most men have – or he might have talked to me long enough to discover that I was nervous and immature for my age, and then he would have rejected me.
To me, there is something special about gay men. In Western society, which hates homosexuality so much, a man who is gay has to be honest with himself. He must, necessarily, be somewhat humble and sensitive. It comes with the territory of being hated, of having the whole world question your manhood.
Anyone who reads this blog knows that I am gay; and since Yiannopoulos is in the news now, I figured it’s time to share my views on this subject.
My puberty started at a very young age. I was the tallest boy in my grammar school because I started to shoot up early. I have a recollection of having sexual feelings for boys when I was only eight years old, and I remember trying to grope a boy that I was camping with at that age. As my puberty progressed, my horniness increased, and I found myself attracted to older boys because they had mature bodies and genitals. In junior high school, I remember seeing a boy in the locker room who had large genitals, but who hadn’t yet grown any pubic hair. I was attracted to the size of his genitals, but the lack of hair was a turn-off. I sometimes spied on my older brothers when they were in the shower.
As an adult thinking back to that time, I've often wished that an older boy had initiated a relationship with me. I was so horny for older boys that I would’ve been thrilled to be in such a relationship, if -- and this is a big if -- he had treated me gently and with consideration for my limits. As an adult, my belief that man/boy relationships were not entirely wrong was cemented when I read stories of such relationships (from the boy’s point of view, once grown). Indeed, when I was a young man, I met another gay man who told me of having such a relationship with a man, a relationship that he, as a boy, had initiated at the age of 8.
However, I realize now that if I had gotten what I wanted, it might not have been the good experience I imagined it would be. Most men who are into boys are not at all interested in the boy’s needs and feelings. Instead of the relationship being a love-fest, the likelihood is that I would've been molested or raped by someone who didn't appeal to me. Being sodomize by an adult at that age would have been traumatic.
If relationships between boys and men are ever to occur, they must proceed on the boy’s terms -- but in most situations, that isn't likely to happen. The few pederasts I have known have been manipulative men who knew exactly what they wanted, and it wasn’t usually the boy’s welfare. The man, being older and more experienced, would call all the shots. The man might not even care if the boy was gay. The likelihood is that the boy would be pressured or forced into doing things he didn’t want to do.
In the final analysis, I realize now that it didn't do me any harm to go through puberty playing "doctor" with kids my own age. Just because I was horny didn’t mean that I had to have sex with a man, even if I wanted to. However, I still have fantasies of that time of my life, and still think of the male love I never got.
* * *
Below is an excerpt from my diary on this subject, written in late March, 2019:
I read a couple articles today that revealed that Wilfred Owen, the World War I poet (and possibly my favorite poet), was gay. One of the articles went further, saying that he was a pederast. Interestingly enough, finding out that he was a pederast hasn’t made me think poorly of him; it has made me think more positively of pederasty. It is certainly wrong for a man to coerce a boy into sex; but if there is no coercion, it is hard for me to see it as wrong. When I was as young as 8 years old I was crazy for older boys, and I would have loved it if some older boy had gently eased me into my first sexual experiences. Of course, most older boys wouldn’t have been the tender creature that Owen was; they would have been more selfish.
Surprisingly, it is the transgender movement which is helping me change my mind about pederasty. There are children as young as seven or eight who are adamant that they belong to the opposite sex, so much so that their parents start giving them sex-change treatments to prevent puberty (something I disapprove of). If a transgender child that young can know his own mind, then certainly a gay child that young can know his own mind – as I did. Generally speaking, I think that adults should leave children alone when it comes to sex; but there will be those instances when a boy and a man (or an older teenager) develop a relationship, and the child is not hurt by it. In such cases, society should not victimize them by prosecuting the man and forcing the child to testify against the man. That just makes things worse.
I know of several such cases, which I saw on crime shows. One involved an adult woman and a teenage girl (the teenage girl wanted to be in the relationship and wouldn't testify against the woman). The other involved an adult woman and a boy (after the boy grew up, they got married).
It has recently come out that Michael Jackson “groomed” and gently coerced two boys to have limited sex with him. The boys are men now, and frankly they don’t seem to have been hurt by Jackson. They are living normal lives. One of the boys even testified on behalf of Jackson in his pederasty trial after the boy became an adult. Jackson may have used psychological pressure on the boys, but he wasn’t a monster. My view is that in a world in which there are legitimate monsters who do monstrous things to children, consensual sex play between adults and children isn’t the worst thing a child can endure. (It would be best, however, that prepubescent children be left alone.)
One of the articles that I read said that Owen had a relationship with a 13-year-old boy and may have had a sexual relationship with a 7-year-old boy (the only evidence being that Owen acted as a mentor to the boy). If the worst that Owen did was to have a relationship with a willing 13-year-old boy, I don’t condemn him. In fact, I am glad that he got some loving in his short life. Ever since I first read his poetry, I knew that Owen had to be gay; but I always assumed that he was (being artistic) a chaste gay man who was reluctant to get intimate, but who instead loved men and boys from a distance. I’m glad that I was wrong.
I understand where Owen was coming from. Puberty is an exciting time of sexual discovery for many children, so much so that they want to hang onto the experience for as long as they can. After going through the discovery process themselves, such people may want to help another child through it. Doing that is a way of reliving that period of one’s life. This is different, of course, from the selfish brutes who are only intent on satisfying their own needs. Owen was such a gentle soul that I don’t think he could have harmed anyone (except, perhaps, the German enemy).
It turns out that his poem “Shadwell Stair” was about a cruise spot in London. In that poem, he refers to himself as a ghost, and it turns out that the term “ghost” was often used by gay men to describe themselves – apparently because of their behavior when they are cruising each other. Cruising for sex is a quiet activity in which men mostly evaluate each other’s attractiveness and exchange signals. I’m sure it was much the same a hundred years ago.
There is an irony here, however. I didn’t have much sexual appeal when I was young. I was nervous and awkward, and somewhat ungainly too. Wilfred Owen, on the other hand, was gorgeous. If I had ever cruised Wilfred Owen on Shadwell Stair, he probably would have rejected me like most men have – or he might have talked to me long enough to discover that I was nervous and immature for my age, and then he would have rejected me.
To me, there is something special about gay men. In Western society, which hates homosexuality so much, a man who is gay has to be honest with himself. He must, necessarily, be somewhat humble and sensitive. It comes with the territory of being hated, of having the whole world question your manhood.
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